The Spaceship Has Landed!

…the mother of all spaceships is about to land on my driveway. It has captain chairs and a full control panel. It will allow the Johnson clan to go on many “Odysessys”.

 …and let’s just say, I am slightly nervous about this spaceship adventure. When I took my vows at my wedding, we cited:

“…until death do us part. I will never own a minivan.” I took a solemn vow that I would never become “that mom.” I don’t know what the stigma is against one. After all, both my husband and I grew up in families owning one at one point. (And, mine growing up was a true spaceship–the Chevy Lumina, and it was silver no less.) Maybe it is society’s glamorization of the SUVs? Or maybe, it is having to succumb to what you don’t want to become. You have all seen it. You go to Target and there IT is: the bedraggled, bed head mom with stains on her shirt. Her kids are wearing designer clothes, while mom looks like crap. The minivan is command central, the hub of all communications. After all, the mom eats there and might as well sleep there, since she spends all her time in the spaceship shipping kids to and from activities. It isn’t just a car. It is a lifestyle. 

Why are we jumping into the ship? 

If you would have told me that my mommy mobile would be a big F-150, I would have laughed. But, that was the case. It was the only vehicle we owned that could cart around 3 full-sized car seats. You see, my husband’s definition of manhood is owning a truck. When we moved back to Nebraska…the Good Life, he had to join the pack. He went straight to a dealer and got the Big Black Beauty. It is a beautiful truck, I won’t lie. It helped us out in so many ways. And, it holds a special sentiment for us. It brought three beautiful girls home from the hospital.

But, lately, it provided comedy for anyone watching us. We became the Ringling Brother’s Circus when trying to load and unload kids. The only positive attribute it gave me was some arm strengthening exercise in trying to lift car seat carriers up into it. We didn’t travel far, as we were all pressed up against a door and/or a body. So, it left us grounded. The doctor’s office and a trip to Nana and Poppa’s house was the extent of our adventures. Long trips weren’t in our reach. Wait…should we be getting rid of this truck? Long trips…did I just say that? My head needs examined.

The New Johnson Spaceship

Swagger Johnson Style

Everyone is pretty familiar with the You Tube sensation Toyota created with their Swagger Wagon video for their Sienna minivan. My sister lovingly sent me this video when I found out I was carrying twins. The video tormented me. But, I guess she was dipping my toes into reality. While we didn’t go with the Sienna, we did get a Honda Odyssey. Let me assure you…the commercial for the Honda Odyssey provides a false advertisement. My husband and I didn’t want to make love the first time we saw it or drove it. Do you think it is a coincidence that Honda named their minivan Odyssey? Here is the definition:

odyssey n. , pl. , -seys . An extended adventurous voyage or trip. An intellectual or spiritual quest: an odyssey of discovery.

Maybe they know parents are on an extended adventure with kids in more ways than one…

So, here are to my Swagger Wagoning it days. I now will begin reading the manual for the control panel of my command central. I think the DVD player might be my best friend. As they all say, this is a transition vehicle. I am sure I will wonder, like everyone else, how did I manage before I had a minivan. But, I am not sure I will ever use the terminology that I am in LOVE with it.

Lesson Learned: One day I will be cool again. Until then, it is Swagger time. Ever wonder why all the convertibles are driven by people with gray hair or young hot bods?

PS…Brian drove the Big Black Beauty to work today. A tear was shed. Part of his manhood is gone.

Until it is returned, here is our inspiration: